Last thing to say

16:13. Am retineri si m-am oprit de cateva ori sa postez aici lucrurile despre care urmeaza sa scriu. Pentru ca treburile astea ma duc intr-o zona pe care in general o refuz. Genul asta de schimb de replici back and forth, pline de bitterness care nu duc nicaieri. Sunt dezamagita. Mai ales de cum am adus toata aceasta situatie. E sad. Si again it’s only my fault…

Iata ce scrie Pollak in replica, la postul meu angry de ieri:
“”Don’t judge me” says mona. But Mona has all the right in the world to say what she thinks, to do what she wants, to hurt people as she wants by saying “Oh it’s me, I need to tell everything, I need to express my feelings. I don’t lie.” It’s all about you, isn’t it? To be in the spotlight, the main character.

I didn’t want to judge you, but like you I have the right at my opinion, I can write what I feel and see and, if it’s wrong, why do you care, how come that makes a difference for you? If you truly know what you feel, fuck everybody who dare to tell something else… But you want the others to participate at your pain, to see it. Like a performer on the stage, you can’t tell your story and believe in it if the others don’t, you’ll be bored of it and you’ll get over it. And no one have the right to say anything, we are only bystanders. Eye witness of your blood, of you dying in the name of love. And there’s no such thing. Love means life, not death. But again, it’s your choice (from the infinite options) to choose whatever that fits you. I never wanted to fill your hole, nobody can’t, it’s too deep. And I felt nothing when I saw you for the only reason that I was reflecting you.

If you don’t have love inside you can’t recognize love even if it was standing in front of you. And when I met you, you didn’t say anything about loving Elisa. “Oh, it’s over, we just work together, I’m helping her, she’s all alone there.” And what if I said I love you and now I don’t, you shouldn’t care, you didn’t loved me anyway. “Love doesn’t exists.” I was just a new person you we’re hanging out with, telling your stories. You never cared what I felt. And now you’re making so much thing from it.

Mona, you are free to feel whatever you please and suffer how much you desire. What can I say…
It wasn’t my intention to fight you, or to demonstrate something else. I just wrote there what I saw, what i felt, as you do. So what’s wrong with that? And, Mona, if you are so sure about your feelings for Elisa, I will be the first to believe it and be at your side. And if you’re sure, you shouldn’t be bothered with what people who know nothing say about that. It was never between you and them, isn’t it?”

Dimineata am decis ca nu ar fi o greseala sa opresc lucrurile in acest punct. Pollak are tot dreptul sa se simta jignita, enervata, deziluzionata si are tot dreptul sa fie against me… I knew that by coming back here I will have to deal also with this situation. And I didn’t try to run out of it, ci sa o menajez responsabil, pentru ca am vrut si am crezut atunci si am sperat ca Pollak este ce imi doream sa fie. Din pacate I ended up fucking another person’s life… Si iau all the guilt asupra mea.

And I will not reply anymore here…